Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Australian Conspiracy

I sit here staring at the strangest plug I've never before seen. After questioning a few folks not getting more than a few raised eyebrows it was brought to my attention that it is an adapter for an Australian outlet.

hunh...interesting...Australia...(7 months and 15 days)

Now you may not know this-not living in my brain and all-but over the last few weeks Australia has been so unsubtly thrust into my life. It's as if the Universe, where once it was a subtle little girl whispering Muse like inflections bringing gentle light into my everyday affairs, has given up. In her place is Guido the Australian debt collector. I have to check behind every door and email now as Australia is out to get a very bad way.

Here's how it began (insert shimmering flashback sequence)

Enter Scene: Chubby fianced red headed male twirling his keys walking into his office on an any day morning. Grabbing his mail and exchanging pleasantries with co workers he winds his way to his desk and starts up a sleek black computer. the item on top of his Mail is a brochure for traveling in Australia something to the affect of "Find your breath in our backyard" and it pictures a family on bikes and sailing. Interestingly enough he tosses it in the recycle and looks at the calendar on the wall, some 8 months and 17 odd days according to his scribbling; a countdown to an unmentioned event.

8 months and 11 days (a Wednesday) : Our focus is brought to attention on a computer screen. A hurried and randomly misspelled Google search for computer parts brings up an odd link,, fascinated it is saved as link into a sub folder containing a pool of links marked with "Investigate Later". It is promptly forgotten. {you can hear a short stomping of feet trailing off in the distance from my universal Muse}

8 months and 03 days (a Friday): Our hero is helping clean up an office and stumbles across a laptop. An IBM T23 with an asset tag belonging to his company. It is very different form the ones on the other machines. He drops it on his trolley along with assorted wiring, electronic bits and bots that once manipulated comprise a surprisingly large portion of his job. It is promptly forgotten once it is stashed in his overhead bin at his desk. {a wall is smacked repeatedly somewhere with the forehead of an outraged and confounded Muse}

7 Months and 29 Days (a Thursday): [my first day of Guido stepping in]. Our Hero is frantically looking for a copy of a shipping receipt. Mumbling 'Don't forget to cover your ass, Stephen." is repeated over and over Mantra style. Turning a key into the lock of his overhead bin a dusty black object shoots out and strikes him, barely missing an unwitting cranial event with quick hands. (Of note his Fiance can attest to and has made personal record of said quick hands). A laptop is quite forcefully reinserted into the overhead bin only to slide out again moments later with a few personal items and empty boxes. More juggling ensues and the laptop is left on the desk. Time passes and a manager, seen by his shirt and tie, enters and begins a conversation where the laptop is motioned to. Strangely enough the boss knows the label and mouths Australia Office. [Guido high fives the muse and they walk away for a drink]

7 months and 18 days (a Sunday): Our hero grumbling about Sundays travels over bus and train to meet the second string Officiant. To be fair the first detailed April as her birthing day and even though a +1 was offered to the Officiant and Mother to be she declined offering up a few choice recommendations for replacements. There was one that looked like Santa Claus, and another with really really frizzy hair, one more that looked like he would steal the soaps from a church, the list went on and on and they couple to be realizes that they could be considered a bit shallow and elitist wanting someone to stand with them in the pictures that was not possibly a convict or overtly malformed-they attest it to wedding stress and move on, elitism promptly forgotten. Bagels and coffee are being devoured at a small table as the young couple talk endearingly about the nuptial event to come when in walks a very pregnant lady who is quickly introduced and her accent loved by the couple. (wondering note: have all officiants some baby making pact?) Some short time later our Officiant leaves followed by approving nods, she is Greek raised in Australia and has the most wonderful accent. Wondering about kids having Ozzie accents they laugh and return home. [Guido and the muse watch on eating popcorn]

7 months and 17 days (a Monday): A Starbucks in Brooklyn. The Hero's fiance admits that any excuse to bring him to Brooklyn will be met with fierce enthusiasm. Our Videographers, which are already loved cemented the deal showing us samples and being entirely conversational. She relates stories about her and her husband in Australia spending years there loving it as well as how to immigrate there on a working Holiday Visa. Jokes are relayed from the couple but their rapt attention gives them away. Sad to part company the couple travels home discussing the possibility of moving to Australia. [Guido slips the charming lady a sealed envelope as she turns the corner, their eyes never meeting as the exchange is made. Entirely Professional]

The discussion quickly moves from the realms of possible to the realm of very likely. The Videographer even sends an email later that night following up on the immigration information she provided, wondering (innocently) if it was still accurate.

7 months and 15 days (a Today): Our hero types at blogspot as he pockets the outrageous keep the adapter plug as another indicator that Australia is awaiting them in the future, possibly, definitely maybe. He flips back and forth comparing cooking schools in Australia and New York wondering how cool it would be to learn to cook professionally in another country. [Guido and the Muse watch from around different corners as our fianced hero saves the blog message considering their job done for now. They close their phones and leave inconspicuously in different directions, gluing up Australia festival posters and rerouting travel brochures as they go.]

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